The 66 most overrated women of 2010

Before everyone goes ballistic hating me for these rankings let me preface this piece by BEING VERY CLEAR in stating that I don’t think there is a single one of the following women that I wouldn’t take home to mom (and by take home to mom I obviously mean have sex with all night). Wait, I retract that. There is one woman on this list I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot prophylactic (let’s make it a game and see if you can figure out which one).

Now with that out of the way, this list is comprised of women who receive a lot of attention, both from fans and from the press. Some of it is deserved, but many times it is not. It is basically a look at a ratio between a woman’s hype as a hottie versus her actual hotness and ranks them according to the disparity between the two. – KEEP THIS IN MIND AS YOU READ — It’s science, you see. Very subjective science, but science nonetheless… Yes it is… Quit arguing.

Since I can’t wait to get absolutely skewered for these selections, because without a doubt I have cast aspersions upon a woman you love and think is the sexiest woman in the world, I’ll quit prolonging things and get right to the list of the 66 most overrated women of 2010… as voted on by me. Be gentle.

66 Dita Von Teese
Famous for four things. A lesbian sex tape. Stripping on stage. And the two things everyone marvels at when she does either of the two things I just mentioned. Guys love those things. So much so that we’re often willing to overvalue the sexiness of any woman willing to show us those things.

65 Anna Faris
A blond with big cans who plays a blond with big cans in movies. I’ve seen that done before. Many times. By better looking women than Anna. (Ranked #42 by Maxim.com readers)

64 Kate Bosworth
Kate made her big splash by playing a chick in a bikini. She used to be really hot in those days. Then she got ultra-skinny. Then came back. Then got ultra-skinny. Then came back. I don’t know where she stands at this point, but I do know guys like to remember a chick as the hot version she once used to be, thus making her shelf-life longer than it should be. We have selective memories sometimes.

63 Julia Roberts
Named People magazine’s most beautiful person this year. Here’s how overrated I think she is: She wouldn’t even be on this list if People hadn’t named her their most beautiful person this year. Think about that for a second.

62 Liv Tyler
Liv certainly has her moments, don’t get me wrong. Unfortunately they don’t come around that often. Mostly she is as famous as she is because of the family she was born into. She’s one of those kids born to famous parents who for some reason we think is more good-looking than she really is. Guys love it when famous people have good-looking girls for kids. It’s one of our favorite things. Is Liv attractive? Of course. If she wasn’t the daughter of a famous singer would you think she’s as hot? For many, I think the answer would be no.

61 Rachel Bilson
Some people will kill me for this one, but it has to be said… What happened here? Remember when Rachel actually had sex appeal and used it? Now if she isn’t walking around in baggy old jeans and a scarf we wouldn’t even see her anymore. Here is just another example of guys’ memories clouding the actual truth when it comes to a woman they once thought was gorgeous. (Ranked #34 by FHM.com readers and #46 by Maxim.com readers)

60 Anne Hathaway
Anne Hathaway is an attractive woman, but every time I see her I wonder what would happen if she didn’t groom herself as well as she does. I’m thinking unibrow. Oh, that and the fact that she might want to go out in the sun once a decade. I can almost see through her. She scores big points with us for starting out in kids movies and moving on to taking her top off. Guys love that. Too much. (Ranked #61 by Askmen.com readers)

59 Aubrey O'Day
Aubrey is in danger of falling off this list if she doesn’t get a job or do something Aubrey-like real soon. Then again the fact that I even thought of her at all is enough of a reason for her to be on this list. She’s pretty much the definition of being famous for being famous at this point, yet anytime one of those famous for being famous chicks poses for magazines, guys lap it up. Over-rated.

58 Kate Moss
Kate was once a really famous fashion model and I guess people considered her good-looking. Now she still models, but mostly she goes to clubs and gets hammered and lets her itty bitties escape from her top while photogs to snap pictures. She was overrated when she was in her prime and it’s only gone downhill from there. Men must still like her since she still gets plenty of work, but I guess I’m not seeing what they’re seeing.

57 Sienna Miller
Why is Sienna still famous again (or in the first place)? Oh yeah, she had a role in G.I. Joe, so I guess that counts a little. Basically what I know her for is the fact that she’s more than willing to prance around on beaches with her top off (with other people’s husbands), which is for great celebrity PR, but really doesn’t warrant her being considered as sexy as people seem to think she is. (Ranked #88 by FHM.com readers)

56 Alicia Keys
Guys will often mistake talent for sexiness when the girl with the talent is willing to dress provocatively and walk around on the beach in a bikini once in while. It’s like we’re getting to see something we shouldn’t. It also makes us overrate how hot that woman is. It’s similar to getting to see the girl next door do those things and every guy knows that the girl next door doesn’t even have to be that hot for us to want to look.

55 Kristen Bell
I don’t really have much to say about Kristen. She’s blond, cute, and looks like a couple dozen other women I have seen this year. The fact that she is in movies doesn’t make her any more special to me than any of those other nameless women, yet for some reason it does to a lot of other guys. (Ranked #52 by Maxim.com readers and #53 by FHM.com readers)

54 Gisele Bundchen
Frankly I don’t get it. Sure Gisele has a killer body, but is she really worthy of being the highest paid model in the world? Really? You’re telling me that you look at her face and that’s the best we’ve got in the entire world? Some of us out here actually like our hot bodies to be matched with a face that’s a little easier on the eyes. Just sayin’… (Ranked #12 by Askmen.com readers and #94 by FHM.com readers)

53 Keira Knightley
Pirates of the Caribbean… That’s why most of the world knows Keira Knightley. She isn’t smart enough to figure that out so she quit doing those movies, which is bad for her, because guys will overvalue any woman who dresses up like a pirate. Arrrghh! We’ll even overlook her deficiency in the boobage area. Pretty soon though Keira won’t be overrated. She’ll just be looking for work. (Ranked #54 by FHM.com readers)

52 AnnaLynne McCord
AnnaLynne likes to wear tight pants, pretend to be a lesbian, and slips a nip at least once a month, all things I applaud from just about any woman. Those things, however, should not overshadow the fact that she really isn’t more than a product of a great marketing machine. One that tries (and succeeds) in making men think the women on their TV show are sexier than they actually are. (Ranked #67 by Maxim.com readers)

51 Kate Hudson
Kate’s pretty much famous for one reason: Her mom. If Kate wasn’t born into the family she was, I am pretty sure that no one would ever have heard of her. Sure, she may have one of the best rumps in the business, but have you actually watched any of her movies? Somehow she still gets plum roles. And by somehow, I mean she has good connections in Hollywood. Another woman that if you saw walking down the street, don’t tell me your first thought would be, “Movie star!”

50 Avril Lavigne
She’s such a rebel. A rebel who isn’t nearly as good-looking as she thinks she is. A rebel who guys overrate because, well, she’s a rebel! She has tattoos! Guys love a chick who thinks she’s a rebel so Avril gets a pass for wasting what beauty she actually possesses. I am not giving her that pass. Over-rated.

49 Lindsey Vonn
Men will overrate the hotness of any female that happens to play a sport. It’s just what we do. If a girl plays a sport and is willing to wear a bikini for a photograph we’ll pretty much elevate her to icon status. It’s something we need to stop doing, but that won’t happen. Next year it will just be someone else on this list. (Ranked #59 by Maxim readers)

48 Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift is cute. Taylor Swift is very talented. Taylor Swift is not one of the sexiest women in the world. Sorry. (Ranked #31 by Maxim.com readers, #51 by Askmen.com readers and #60 by FHM.com readers)

47 Zoe Saldana
Let me start out by saying that I like Zoe and I find her attractive, but is she one of the sexiest women in the world? I don’t know about that. If she hadn’t been in Avatar would she even be on your radar, let alone climbing to the top of lists ranking the hottest women on the planet? I think you know the answer to that. (Ranked #3 by Maxim.com readers, #24 by FHM.com readers, and #33 by Askmen.com readers)

46 Paris Hilton
The only reason people still know who Paris Hilton is is because she has more money than God, goes to parties, and falls out of her top or lifts her skirt at least once a month. Oh yeah, and because she did a sex tape, which automatically makes her overrated because guys will continue to pay attention to famous women who who have done sex tapes, even if they are vapid wastes of life.

45 Kelly Bensimon
Kelly Bensimon turned a reality TV show stint into a Playboy spread. Somehow. I don’t know if she’s really that overrated or if Playboy was just that desperate. Probably a little of both. Either way, she’s not sexy enough to warrant the attention she gets from men… or from Playboy.